Dear Senior Scholar,

You have said some smart things and everyone seems to respect you – and yet to me, you seem full of shit. I could be wrong. And yet, despite that ring on your finger you keep touching me: my shoulder, my waist, my legs. I am but a grad student, and there is no way I can call you out on this, especially in this crowd. All I can do is move away slightly, stop meeting your eyes, hope you will stop. Please stop.

Dear Junior Scholar,

You are obviously married. Please stop winking at me. Please stop slapping me on my shoulder. Please stop flirting. Isn’t there a way for us to bond and befriend each other without making me uncomfortable?